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WM/Quotes/Trek 2
Session 20 ;How not to make a profit :Beltarne: Do we wanna buy back those faerie trade goods from the merchant at South Gate? $5/lb :Beltarne: Mark, is it the same 30 lbs we sold him? :GM: Yes, of course it is. :Wolfgang: Isn't buying them because we'd look dumb, and all the faeries might be dead. ;Traveling with the undead is tricky :Narrator: As they crest the hill, they spot a dozen humans in robes and travel cloaks, led by a man in magnificent robes with a full beard. :Shelley: orders the goonsquad to march in the ditch. :Reverend vanDieth: "Stand behind me, my brethren! Our faith will shield us from these abominations!" He pulls a small, silvered wagon wheel and brandishes at the skeletons! :Shelley: waves cheerfully. "No problems sir! People have right of way." She guides Adam off road to stand in the grass for a bit. :Reverend vanDieth: "Unclean! Necromancer, you shall not defeat us!" :Shelley: sniffs. "Necro-technician thank you." :Reverend vanDieth: "What? Trifle not with me, foul temptress - I am protected by my faith and you shall not lead me astray!" :Shelley: rolls her eyes. "Leading people astray is willywisps, not wizards, but whatever." :Reverend vanDieth: Looks at Beltarne, boggles. "Brother Beltarne??" He thinks furiously. "Blink twice if you are ensorcelled!" :Shelley: checks. Nope, wearing travel clothes. No temptress dresses here. :Beltarne: "I'm not ensorcelled. We just... needed another party member... and, well, she was available..." :Shelley: "Besides, this is a perfectly sensible coat." ;But I'm licensed! :Beltarne: "She's got a license from the city and everything." Right? :Shelley: "I do!" She starts digging around in her pack-sacks. :Reverend vanDieth: "Ah? Well then... quickly, move past her while she's distracted!" He ushers the other travelers on past the delvers, staying between them and Shelley. :Shelley: says, somewhat muffled from having her head in her packs, "I'm a fully licensed and accredited exorcist and psycopomp." :Ghazeb: "You can get a license for that?" :Shelley: says, still muffled, "Yes, but the qualifications are obnoxious." She emerges from rooting around in her packs, waving documentation. ;Manners and etiquette :Marik: waits for them to pass, then comes out from the treeline, shouldering his bow. "Would have been bad luck to shoot a priest." :Beltarne: "Yes, it would have been.... what?" :Shelley: glares at Marik. "And terribly rude of you." :Marik: "Next time I'll let him blast one of your little pets into the hereafter, then." :Wolfgang: "You'd think a prince would be more polite." ;The necrotechnician is aggressively and pre-emptively Canadian. :Narrator: A series of birds call out, and then a man on horseback, wearing a ragged green coat and carrying a knocked bow, rides into view. :Shelley: squints. "Outrider?" :Outrider Officer: "Yes. Necromancer? You are covered by archers with meteoric arrows, so do not attempt to cast spells or send your minions to attack." :Shelley: "Would you prefer I tell them to sit down and put their fingers in their earholes? It might make this easier." :Outrider Officer: He looks surprised. ;Everyone responds to Ghazeb with violence :Outrider Officer: "Ah?" He looks around. "A dwarf, a gargoyle, a tigerman... where's the pixie?" :Beltarne: "Prematurely retired." :Ghazeb: "She was tasty." :Beltarne: hits Ghazeb in the arm. "Don't say that about our friend." :Thasos: slaps Ghazeb upside the head angrily. :Shelley: gives Ghazeb the hairy eyeball. :Wolfgang: gives Ghazeb a dirty look "That's not funny, she's still laid up in town!" ;Wildlife in the West March is set to ultraviolent :Narrator: Wolfgang is on watch, early in the morning, when he hears wolves howls in the distance and sees smoldering forms - dozens and dozens of them - vault down the crags on the side of the mountain and flee south on the pass. The forms look goatlike, some trailing smoke and others wreathed in flames. :Wolfgang: yells "Burning goats!" :Beltarne: "Snrk.. huh?" :Ghazeb: tries not to wake up to that. :Shelley: pokes her head out of her tent, clutching her rod. "What. The hell." :Wolfgang: "Exactly. Burning, smoking goat things ring a bell?" :Ghazeb: "Ghazeb misses the inn already." ;Presenting options :GM: You could chase after them if you wanted. :Beltarne: Heh. Mark's funny. ;It's hard to get places without a map :GM: Which way? :Beltarne: "White Pines first, or Obsidian lake and White Pines on the way back?" :Marik: "By 'White Pines' do you mean 'that village full of mud golems', or 'some other town we never actually found'?" ;Harassing the narrator :GM: You continue south for another hour or so, soon reaching another fork in the road. :Marik: Loot the fork - good silverware sells well - and move on. :Beltarne: Rimshot! ;And now the horror starts :Narrator: The buildings resolve the shattered ruins of a town. The wall was clearly breached in several places a long time ago, and has fallen apart since them. Most of the buildings were burnt. Ominously, it seems darker here, even though the sun still shines brightly overhead. Shelley's skeletons' eyes glow a bit brighter, and the teeth in their skulls seem more pointed than they did moments ago. :Beltarne: edges slightly away from the skeletons. :Narrator: As the delvers turn a corner following long abandoned streets, voices scream out in panic and despair. Blood erupts, showering the delvers, and evaporates seconds later. :Marik: "So we think that this is -- WHAT IN THE NINE BLOODY HELLS WAS THAT?" :Shelley: Um. Detect Undead? :GM: Yes, there are undead here. Yes, they are coming this way. Session 21 ;Something to look forward to, no doubt :Shelley: "Beware! Angry ghosts!" :Marik: "As opposed to all those friendly, chummy ghosts you hear about, the sort that just want a hug." :Shelley: "They're usually more mopey." ;Sometimes the danger is delayed :Angry Ghosts: Poltergeist #1 steps backwards, ripping dirt and rocks out of the ground and moving them over Beltarne. :Beltarne: Eep. So, no possibility of dodge, yah? :GM: Nothing has happened yet, there's just a big mass of pain over your head. About 10 yards over your head, really. :Beltarne: Ah. :Shelley: Oh that's a lot of falling damage :Marik: He'd have to break concentration to be able to get away from it before it falls, wouldn't he. >.> :GM: Nah, it takes more than a second for something to fall 10 yards. ;Does it count as kill if it was already dead and will come back tomorrow regardless? :Angry Ghosts: Actually, all the ghosts flee from sight, turn insubstantial, and drop back into the earth. :Thasos: holds up a hand, showing with his fingers his kill count. Then he nudges Ghazeb. :Ghazeb: "Killing dead things doesn't count, Thasos. Are you foolish?" :Beltarne: "I think the ones we 'killed' will return by nightfall... perhaps daybreak." :Thasos: stops grinning abruptly. Session 22 ;Mistakes continue to be made :Thasos grins as he sees the nice juicy target. :Narrator: Thasos' hammer, unenchanted, passes through the insubstantial ghost without slowing down. :Thasos: his face goes from delight to dismay as he realizes he's made an error. ;Of course no plan survives contact with the enemy :Mark: Another brilliant tactical plan foiled when the PCs fail to do what I expect. :Nate: That's pretty much how all tactical plans are foiled :Ted: flail around randomly is hard to predict! ;Think how'd you react if someone punched you while you were wallowing in misery for a few centuries :Nate: "Ah, what the hell!" Classic :Joel: yep :Nate: I love it when Mark improvs dialogue for his NPCs. ;Not just a licensed exorcist, but also a properly prepared one :Shelley: stands up and flourishes her holy symbol proudly. :Shelley: why yes, I remembered to buy one. :Marik: A necromancer with a holy symbol, that is awesome. :Shelley: necroTECHNICIAN thank you. :Beltarne gawks at Shelly for having a holy symbol that isn't a crucified kitten or something. Session 23 ;At least it's a plan. :Marik: The ghost has an aura of despair, and we're bringing him with us? :Ghazeb: Sound like one of our better plans. ;The continual theme of tomato tahmahto :GM: The obsidian dagger is where? :Shelley: On the ground where it got dropped. I ain't touchin' it. :GM: Wuss. It's valuable magical treasure! :Shelley: It's a trap! :GM: Details. ;Players sometimes expect more than their resources can deliver :Wolfgang: consult the book of Fae lore! :Beltarne: We do! :GM: The tome does not seem to include a map labeled "you are here" and "you want to go here" with convenient arrows. ;Faerie weirdness is weird. :GM: As you walk through the forest, Marik and Thasos disagree on the path they took to get there. :Marik: I'm following physical tracks. :Thasos: snorts as Marik goes the wrong way. :GM: Even better - you're following your tracks, your mental sense says you didn't come this way. :Beltarne: Having been hushed, Beltarne pipes up later, "Says in here that Fae do like to use misdirection spells to protect their homes. Just FYI :Marik: grits his teeth and ignores it. "Yes. I had guessed that. Thank you." ;Meeting royalty :Narrator: A cluster of pixies in patched dresses fly to you, holding a swing. Sitting on the swing is a black-haired pixie wearing a long red silk dress (easily 2 feet long). She has a tiny tiara in her hair, and minuscule bells trill as she is carried forward. :Wren Seaspray Belladonna: "Greetings, outlanders. I am Her Royal Majesty, Wren Seaspray Belladonna, High Queen of the Pixies and Lady of Baile Mordref." :Beltarne: "My lady." :Wren Seaspray Belladonna: "My loyal guards say you come bringing tribute." :Marik: "Trade goods." :Beltarne: still on one knee. "Your majesty, your guards were misinformed. We come bringing goods to trade, having heard you were in dire need. Though the tales of your beauty do not do you justice, your majesty." :Wren Seaspray Belladonna: "You do not bring tribute? You dare to enter the Aitsyldub, intrude upon my domain, and seek to flatter me without bringing me presents? You seek nothing but common trade?" :Beltarne: Well crap. ;Practical jokes :Wren Seaspray Belladonna: "Prostrate yourself before me! Surrender your goods, and I will not call upon my pixie host to destroy you! Doom! Despair! The hour of your death is at hand!" :Wolfgang: boggles at the audacity :GM: (whispering to Beltarne) You've been totally polite, she's completely out of line. :Narrator: One pixie, off to the side, desperately tries to stifle a giggle. Then she starts giggling. Her neighbors begin chuckling. :Wren Seaspray Belladonna: "Peablossom! I had them going! Stop that!" Session 24 ;Point noted :Mark: As the GM, I love the weird shit in DF. :Nate: That's because you're a horrible person. Session 26 ;Elf archer is grumpy! :Marik:: I have Lion 4 at 12 hexes, an arrow nocked, and I'm hidden. Does it have eyes? :GM:: Not that you can tell. Just thorns where the eyes should be. You have no idea how they see. :Marik:: I hate these things. Session 27 ;Nightmare Fuel :A wounded vineman has just sprayed a stream of concentrated allergens and pollen at his attacker :'Shelley': Mark: You're lucky this isn't face to face. I would throw things at you. :'Mark': what did I do? :'Nate': You are an evil mean GM, is what you did. :'Mark': Dungeon Fantasy. Kromm came up with freaking Doomchildren. :'Nate': I know, I'm grinning happily :'Shelley': I'm on two different immune suppressants, antihistamines, and bronchiodilators. :'Mark': Oh. :'Mark': Nightmares? :'Shelley': I would have to kill you as you're obviously in league with THE TREEEEEEEEEES. ;Don't mess with Texas: the pollen is mean :'Ted': so fighting these is just like mowing, got it :'Mark': only the grass fights back! :'Nate': Heh, I used to play Rainbow 6 Vegas. I'd always get shot through cover somehow when I was taking cover behind planters. After a while it became apparent that the trees were trying to kill me :'Mark': kind like mowing, actually... :'Ted': oh, the grass fights back just like that guy did ;Party Loyalty In Action :'Nate': I don't mind him capping Gamma. Damn skeletons freak me out. Just stay on the "smashing skeletons and plants" setting and I'll be happy. :'Thasos': I promise I'll kill beltarne last :'Nate': Thank you. I appreciate that :'Kevin': No, you'll kill MARIK last. :'Kevin': Marik runs faster than Beltarne. ;Kevin arrives at interesting conclusions :'Kevin': Of course it can also lead to things like the Nymph Barbarian I built for Em's game. :'Mark': TWITCH. :'Shelley': That's not Leads To. :'Thasos': nymph... barbarian??? :'Mark': Nymph Barbarian? Session 29 ;Rimshot! :'Yew Spirit': She turns back to Marik. "Would you? It would be a most perilous quest. Unless you were the greatest of heroes of lore, worthy scions of the Storm Dukes themselves, not all of you would likely make it back to me. I would hesitate to ask anyone to risk doom for my petty concerns." :'Ghazeb': "Doom is Ghazeb's middle name." :'Yew Spirit': "What a curious name. Were your parents great pessimists, and saw only bad things for you?" :'Thasos': nods vigorously. ;It's a delver thing. It makes sense in context. :'Shelley': "Need I remind you all that we already have an outstanding obligation?" :'Beltarne': "Yes, but the dead guy isn't paying us in valuable wood." ;Further evidence of wisdom :'Narrator': The beautiful spirit gestures casually, and three huge trees float across the ground, their branches passing without pausing through other trees. Strangle lights glint on their bark exteriors, as you think they are looking at you. :'Marik': "...I think I saw those last night." :'Yew Spirit': "These fellows will see you to a safe rest and guarantee your safety. You will have nothing to fear from outside the grove while they are with you." :'Marik': Boy, am I glad we didn't go with 'kill the Nymph and take her stuff'. Session 30 ;People who need to be rescued often have treasure to give away :'Narrator': As they approach the swamp, they can begin to make a faint series of agonized screams. As they move around, they can tell that they seem to be coming from Marik's strange dome, still easily a mile away. :'Shelley': "Uh." :'Marik': "Well." :'Beltarne': "Well, that's promising." :'Wolfgang': "Must be the right way!" :'Shelley': "You have a strange definition of promise." ;Bad timing :'Marik': "Let's go." :'GM': brb :'Shelley': "Lets go!" Gm goes. :'Beltarne': Curse Mark's literalism! ;The cat needs to learn to swim :Ghazeb has fallen into a pool of water. :'GM': Ghazeb - DX check at -3 to grab a rope (determined randomly) succeed by 3+ to get both! :'Ghazeb': Fails! :'Ghazeb': oh crap :'Beltarne': You get to try again next turn. You're fine :'GM': ... drown some more, cat boy. :'Beltarne': Full of water, but fine. ;Marik isn't a people person :'Beltarne': and so our valiant companion drowned to death while we all yelled "Grab the damn rope!!!" :'Marik': Watching a companion drown kind of impassively. ;Ghazeb isn't a finicky eater :'Ghazeb': If Ghazeb had any food its probably not much good anymore. :'GM': Ah, you can totally get elven rations wet, everyone knows that. :'Thasos': I'm pretty sure he'll be willing to eat it anyway. He's eaten rotten food before ;Zombies aren't phased by drowning, but their owners get disturbed :'GM': A few minutes work recovers the goon squad, several of whom wade out on the far side without realizing anything was wrong. :'Shelley': "Great. Now I got to dig swamp muck out of your heads." ;The GM subtly creates an atmosphere of danger. :'Shelley': "The mana here is really creepy. Like, really. Mind warping, and necromantic. And not safe." :'Wolfgang': "Heh, like anything we do is safe" :'Ghazeb': "Ghazeb was not expecting kittens and sunshine." :'Shelley': "Let me clarify. Not safe for spell casting." :'Beltarne': "This is a very bad place. VERY. Bad. :'Marik': "Because the screaming wasn't a clue." ;Cunning plans! :'Wolfgang': should we skip the stealthy approach and just move to the entrance? :'Marik': You definitely should. I'll be back here. I'm fire support. ;Disposable mine detectors :'Wolfgang': need a trap spotter or trap tripper before I go in. :'Marik': Hm. Heavily armored boatload of HP. Looks like you just nominated yourself. :'Beltarne': No sir, this is what minions are for. And generally the least combat effective minion :'Wolfgang': we have skellies and a plant thing! ;This is your clever plan? :'GM': Oozing doom sprays on the lead delvers. Wolfgang has 5 seconds to do something clever; Thasos and Ghazeb have 2 seconds. Think fast! :'Wolfgang': set it on fire! :'GM': You set the oozing doom that's soaking through your armor on fire? :'Thasos': starts taking off armor. :'Ghazeb': tries to take off his armor. :'Shelley': That's... going to take more than 2 seconds unless you know Power Word: Strip (aka the Undo spell) :'GM': The ooze soaks through before you can get the first buckle undone. Roll HT. ;No, really, why? :'Beltarne': "Why did you set yourself on fire?" :'Wolfgang': "Thought it was a slime and it'd leave" ;Oh, now '''this' is your clever plan! :Marik: "Shelley - magical trap ahead. How would you like to trigger it?" :Shelley: "I prefer dispelling them from a safe distance." :Ghazeb: gestures for Thasos to go ahead. :Marik: makes an 'after you' gesture. "Be my guest." :Thasos: walks ahead with a confident swagger. :Marik: facepalms ; There are certain signs, you see :Shelley looks smug. "Stupid demon magic." :Beltarne: "You sure? :Shelley looks cheery and smug. "Nope!" :Narrator: The tunnel curves sharply, and then opens into a huge, domed chamber in the center of them mound. Grotesque statues, pillars engraved with horrific scenes, and strange magical stones and braziers decorate the room. A huge demonic altar is visible in the center of the room. :Shelley: "But I'm pretty confident." Session 31 ;Talking smack before the fight :Demon Knight: Looks over at you with dispassion. "Are you here to be tempted, in which case you are lost, or are you here to try to rescue this bargainer, in which case you should turn around." :Beltarne: "I believe we're in the rescuing business this week." :Beltarne: "Or maybe just sending fiends back to their home plane. I lost my day planner." :Shelley: eyes the cleric. "I don't think temptation is on the schedule." :Demon Knight: Nods. "A priest and a necromancer. I'm sure there is a curious story behind that. Leave now, and the story will continue for more than a few moments." :Thasos: lets the chain of his weapon uncoil, dropping a weight to the floor with a thud. :Shelley: "Necrotechnician. I'm in the society-improvement business." :Beltarne: "We gonna stand here threatening each other all day, or get to trying to kill one another, fiend?" Takes a threatening step forward, tightening his grip on his axe. :Demon Knight: "Take your last steps whenever you are ready, little priest. I will break the code of dueling soon enough." :Shelley: draws her silver dagger. :Barbed Demon: "Silver? You bring silver here? Are you really that deluded? Why not bring sticks for all the good it will do?" he says with a snarl. :Shelley: rolls her eyes. "Because you're a lying bastard." :Barbed Demon: "I speak the truth: your death will be painful." :Beltarne: "I speak the truth, your mother dresses you funny." :Marik: sighs. "Can I start shooting now?" ;Some situations actually are black and white :Demon Knight: Sneer at the wounded barbed demon and walk forward. :Marik: The concern for his fellow is touching. :Beltarne: Dude, demon Session 33 ;Know your role :Marik: "I -- what -- I could have shot them, you know! Since when do YOU go on the front line?" :Shelley: "I've got a shield and a sword!" :Marik: "You have a buckler. And a sort of longish knife. Seriously, it's like I'm the only sane man in the asylum here..." :Thasos: gibbers madly as if to confirm. ;Demons don't play fair :Narrator: With sickening speed, a bud appears under one of the peshkali's crippled arms and expands, forming a new arm. As it does, the crippled arm straightens and mends. :Beltarne: Goddamnit :Thasos: "..." :Wolfgang: bemoans the general unfairness of the universe ;On player vs character knowledge :Nate: Hey, who knew these things regenerated? :Kevin: *raises a hand* :Emily: *raises a hand* :Emily: character doesn't have a clue. :Kevin: "That thing has too many arms for me to know a thing about it. :Emily: "It's not dead yet. Call me later." :Nate: I am personally amazed that Hidden Lore (Faerie) didn't help me out on this one, 'cause these are the biggest damn pixies I've ever seen. Course, I would have had to get out the book :Mark: It's because you think that that it didn't help. ;On Quality of Death :Emily: that's about the most metal death I can think of, short of simultaneously being hit by lightning :Emily: on fire :Emily: on a pile of corpses :Emily: in hell :Emily: while playing the guitar. :Nate: You should have been shouting, it'd be very warhammer :Emily: shouting, screaming along to death metal... not much of a difference Session 34 ;Safety tip - don't get knocked off 5 yard tall statues :A lesser demons slams in Marik :Marik: Am I rolling DX or falling over? I get bonuses on that. :GM: Marik does not have to resist knockover, since he won the damage contest. However, he does get knocked back 1 hex, which may be a problem for him given that the statue is less than 1 yard wide. :Marik: Luck his roll. :Narrator: The small demon slams into Marik, but without enough force to bounce the elf from his perch. :Marik: mutters and shifts his feet to maintain balance. "Seriously? Mountain goats have tried harder than that." ;Even in the depths of despair and loss, it's good to focus on the important stuff :Jeff: try holy water on the head nate! :Nate: This means I stop turning again. That didn't work out so well last time. :Emily: Shelley has some. :Jeff: I think the gear she was wearing is probably pretty shredded :Kevin: I hope not. Selling your buddy's boots is true munchkin tradition. ;It's more convenient than carrying the body back to town :Kevin: If I suggest animating Thasos so that we can have him haul gear back to town, I'll get looked at funny, right? :Mark: BWAH HAH HAH :Ted: lol :Mark: I'll laugh (am laughing), does that count? ;A discussion of manners :Emily: Because for civilized people Shelley has a strict standard of buying the body from the next of kin. They inherited it after he was done with it, after all :Kevin: He regularly flipped out and ran straight at his enemies trying to murder them with a fancy length of iron chain. That is not 'civilized people'. :Emily: That describes most PCs ;Victory! Do we get pie? :Marik: We lived! :Marik: Most of us. :Marik: Sort of. :Wolfgang: more than half lived! ;Pot calls the kettle black :Shelley Zombie: "The demon's will is strong, even beyond the grave!" :Mark: ... that's a pretty ironic thing for Shelley to be saying. gurgling. whatever. :Emily: Shelley IS Ironic, like a big heavy ironic thing. ;People generally assume that undead monsters from beyond the grave have something to do with death magic :Shelley Zombie: one second, checking my intimidate modifier. :Shelley Zombie: I presume having a ST 29 zombie backing me up counts as "doing necromancy" :GM: I'd say so, plus, y'know, undead blood slushie. ;Interacting with an undead monster from beyond the grave involves dealing with the dead :Beltarne: "We take him to the ghosts. Best to be sure." :Davin Sorn: "No. No. No! Not ghosts! I want no truck with the dead!" :Shelley Zombie: narrows her eyes and stares at him. "Too late." Session 35 ;Davin Sorn is probably not the Evil Mastermind :Narrator: Nearby stands a non-descript, nearly naked man, being held by the zombie vineman. He has named himself Savan Dorn; Marik has identified him as Davin Sorn. :Marik: He's not exactly creative with his alibi. ;Maybe bringing the cat man to the giant lake was unwise :Marik: looks at the ice, looks at Shelley, looks towards the northeast. "I wonder how stable that'd be on the lake." :Shelley: "No lake is going to stop me." :Marik: "That's all very well for you, but I haven't learned to breathe water yet." :Ghazeb: mutters, "Lake will stop Ghazeb." ;It's hard to find a wall to sleep against in the middle of lake, but Marik is up to the challenge :Marik: looks around for something to lean on, eventually shrugs and settles for the vineman. "Mind asking him to hold still, Shelley?" ;Ooh, shiney! :GM: Forested hills rise up out of the swamp, about 3 miles to the north, and Marik can barely discern black shapes moving in and around the trees. :Marik: stays quiet. Shelley is alarmingly distractible for an obsessive-compulsive. ;Plans don't survive contact with the enemy :Marik: "Wolfgang, Beltarne - get him to the Paladin. Ghazeb and I can hold off the demon." Marik draws his knife and advances. :Narrator: Screams of rage and frustration resound from inside the octagonal building as a horde of ghosts pour out, led by a demonic knight! :Marik: "Ghazeb! New plan! You and Shelley hold those doors!" Session 36 ;Wiseguys :GM: Any questions about the current situation? :Shelley: Who has the real treasure? And now can we most efficiently extract it from them? :Ghazeb: Yeah, how did we decide this was a good idea? ;Still not messing with the spider-hydra thing :GM: well, basically a tree walks out of the faerie woods, moves past your camp at a range of a few hundred yards, and heads down toward the lake shore. It tears up the ground behind it in a wide trail, and its many arms dig deep divots into the earth on either side of its path. The tree has a huge, vaguely manlike head, which turns from side to side as it walks. :Wolfgang: ... :Marik: "...I'm not messing with a walking tree." :Beltarne: It's the goddamned spider-hydra!!! :Shelley Zombie: BUSY SO VERY BUSY Session 37 ;Elder Things don't play fair. :Marik: If I'm standing on its back, that's 'close combat', and it can parry my bow attacks, correct? I assume it doesn't look like it'd have difficulty getting its arm-tusks in position to do that. :GM: Yes, though most things can't parry attacks from behind. :Ghazeb: This thing is not "most things" :Shelley: Double Jointed + extra Flexible + 360 degree vision (ie tentacle monster) is not most things :GM: It does appear to be a non-Euclidean horror from beyond space and time, and unconstrained by the normal civilities about position and reach. ;Non-euclidean horrors don't have the standard anatomy. :Ted: how can they eat with no mouths? :Kevin: It's best not to speculate. :Jeff: the tusk is like a straw :Emily: Absorb things. Teleport them into their tummies. Disintegrate them and inhale the dust. Squirt negative energy on it and absorb the radiation... Has a mouth but it's just not in the dimension right now... :Mark: ... non euclidean horror from beyond space and time :Kevin: o/` the foot bone's connected to the rib bone, the hip bone's connected to the ear bone, the ia, ia, Cthulhu f'thagn... o/` Session 38 ; :Ghazeb: "What, is it pick on the cat day?" :Wolfgang: "Yes, it is" :Marik: "Maybe where they come from it's normal to try to mate with catboys." ;Overconfidence :Marik: In that case, draw an arrow and put it into the critter that Ghazeb just failed to kill. Does some math. Anything else? :GM: Don't miss? Nope. :Marik: Miss? Inconceivable. Proceeds to miss the shot. :Shelley: That was directly caused by bragging. You know that. ;Thasos is dead, Ghazeb is possibly dead... parts is parts, right? :Elder Thing: Spawn 2 turns around, floats up to the Vinething, stabs it precisely in the eyes twice. :Shelley: I'll fix it later with bits of Ghazeb, assuming I don't melt into a puddle. Of gore. :Marik: ...You mean Thasos, right? :Shelley: ... possibly. ;Ghazeb is beginning to learn what happens when he's between Marik and the target :Marik: "Ghazeb, get DOWN!" :Ghazeb: Waits for the arrow to the back of the head....